German Casino
Is this a good intro to my college application essay? It asks me to describe my family background.?
As far as my family background goes, my great grandmother was half Cherokee Indian; so that makes my siblings and me something like one sixteenth Cherokee. I don’t know if that’s enough to get us a casino pass at a Cherokee reservation, but it did inspire me to do a fifth grade book report on Pocahontas. As far as I know, the rest of my bloodline is a combination of German and British.
note: does it seem racist, the part about the book report and the indian reservation?
It's decent but not great. Here are some suggestions-
1) your professor won't be looking up everyone's family tree to make sure you're 100% accurate so it's okay if you're a little off. Your intro lacks confidence. Tell your professor how it is (even if your not sure of it.) For example, take out "something like" in sentence one, take out "As far as I know" in the last sentence", and change "know if" to "believe".
2)It probably be longer. 5-8 sentences is ideal. Make sure to foreshadow the topics of the body paragraphs.
3)I like your Pocahontas sentence, it lightens up the mood.
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